Saturday, 20 September 2014

Letting It Go


"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know..." Let It Go, Frozen.


I've been a perfectionist since I was a kid. The kind of perfectionist who cries when they do something wrong or don't get 100% in a test. Don't even ask how hard I cry if someone tells me off!

Since I finished university and the job market was NOTHING like what I was promised it would be, I have been feeling like a real failure. Trying to fight the idea it is somehow my fault. After all, if there are 100 candidates go for a job, 99 of them are going to miss out! (and apparently there have been for some of these jobs) But that's not really the way my mind works, and I keep thinking I must be worse than all those other people!

With the help of a counselor, I have been trying to change my way of thinking. And I am slowly getting better at it. I am trying to take life in the slow lane, worry less, not blame myself for everything that goes wrong!

Over the last nearly 5 months, I have been trying to change, to simplify, to accept imperfection, and to embrace the important things. I am trying to live life slower, more close to the earth. It's not easy but I am doing pretty well.

I know that society expects things from me and I am trying not to care what it wants and focus on what I want and NEED.

Some of the changes I have worked on recently:
  • My new faery style is more comfortable and easy to wear than some of my previous Victorian clothes, cooler in hot weather, and more durable. I feel so much better wearing it, but it has taken a lot of courage, not because the style is out there, but because a natural aspect of shyness and uncertainty seems to include covering up and hiding myself away- faery style is about breaking out, embracing the magic inside and letting myself be free!
  • Less clothes, possessions, I can't afford to buy a lot of books so I get most of them from the library anyway
  •  Stop trying to be perfect- accept my imperfections and those of others- don't have to have perfect hair, etc. Live a simpler life.
  • Changing career plans- don't want to be a cog in the corporate machine, sick of being told I have to dress and be a certain way- I want to work somewhere I can be me! I would also work with animals if I can!
  • Embrace gratefulness for all the amazing things I do have. Family and friends. Being close to nature.
  • Plan a simpler life- writing, garden, animals- realise that with less money you have to live simpler but being ok with that. 
  • Getting rid of old books to secondhand bookshop so I can reuse the money for more books.
  • Trying to be more positive
  • Saving up positive sayings
  • Trying to like myself better
  • Getting colour on my tattoo finally and stopping worrying about it being seen through my sleeve during interviews.
  • Being who I want to be- not letting other's judgments get to me
  •  Realising how important I am to others
  • Learning to live in the moment. Trying to not overthink, worry and stay up all night planning how everything will go. This is one of the hardest things for me, I am trying very hard!
  • Stop letting the worry of bad things that could happen stop me from living!

Time to Let It Go! Or at least do my best!


20 comments:

  1. I can relate to this to some degree. I have anxiety and I know how hard and difficult it can be at times. Good for you to realize all this and for taking positive steps towards the type of life you want for yourself. don't give up, you CAN do it

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  2. I suffer from obsessive compulsive tendencies and perfectionism, so I can relate really well. My wish everyday is that the little imperfections will stop bothering me, and if I miss any step in my routine it's ok, life will go on, the world won't fall apart. I would really like to let it go too <3 thanks for this post, it is very relatable to me.

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  3. Hugs kindred..and yay..shine on..wishing you much happiness in all pathways of your life! ...and keep being exactly you..true to you...magical and beautiful and unique!
    I have always been different too and I would never change it. I am excited for you and wish you massive sparkles and blessings!

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  4. When I was in my twenties, I took stained glass lessons. I couldn't get the hang of soldering so I gave it up because I felt I wasn't good enough. I started again this summer, and although my soldering is still crap and it still bothers me because it isn't flawless, I'm doing it anyway because it makes me happy to create things, whether they're perfect or not.

    Perfectionism can really rob us of a lot of little ways to bring joy into our lives. I'm glad you're figuring that out sooner than I did, Laura. :)

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  5. I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist, because frankly, in many aspects including my job, my household and getting everyday tasks like doing the groceries, going to the post office, etc done, I'm as far from motivated and 'perfect' as it gets...but I do expect perfection from myself in terms of my looks and outfits and the things I love and are important for me: my blog posts, my photos, crafting...etc...to the extent where if I know I can't make the best of something, I don't even bother trying...When I realize that I can't do something good enough, I rather give up and quit. And that's very limiting and frustrating especially bcause whenever it happes, I feel terribly guilty...
    It takes a lot of courage to change, but reading your list, I think you're on the right way to make the magic happen. ^^

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  6. Good for you! I, too, have always struggled with perfectionism and that "never good enough" feeling. But I've realized that I learn much more from my mistakes; being perfect doesn't teach me anything. When I fail, I try to think of it as successfully learning what not to do. :)

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  7. Screw society #1 it's by polar on a good day....it's a myth and not a fun one
    Worry is wasted energy ( I am a chronic suffer and have spawned 2 more) I hate seeing my grown kids worry...There is always a solution! Tie your hair back and dig in...( love Lemoney Snickets)
    The world is a mess, so allow Your world! to reflect the best of you, repell toxic people
    Stop over thinking things my sweet girl!
    Love an old messed up crone

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  8. Oh dear. I hope that you will let your worries about how to look and how to behave. I know how hard it is. When I got my new job I was worried about my appearence, clothes and language, but it all went fine. I will get a more conservative wardrobe but planning to let my true self be visible later when I'm more confident. I hope that you will find a job were you can be yourself. Hugs <3

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  9. Hugs~ :) Stay true to who you are

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  10. You're exactly the kind of kind, sweet person who should never be forced to be anything else than herself. I know perfectionism can really put you in a bad mindset... Maybe it's all the expectations, and maybe there's a lot of other factors but all I can say is: hopefully you can, and will, let go. Sounds like you've really had a hard time with these things, and it's time to take it easy and focus on just feeling satisfied. A more simple, less demanding life offers at its best more warmth, too. Hugs & best wishes <3

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  11. And BTW, I love Your new fairy-picture and the whole layout:)

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  12. I think it sounds like you have a great plan for yourself, I think we could all use to live life slower and stop hating on ourselves.

    The fae style really suits you! There are other styles than my own that I admire, like the Victorian, but I hate being uncomfortable. Wear what feels good, I say.

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  13. I feel for you my friend! I understand totally where you are coming from!
    My one friend told me, Stacy, stop calling yourself a worry wart. From now on, you are a happy, relaxed, beautiful, bunny! She told me to say that to myself everyday!
    "To let go, is to be truly free!"
    Keep on smiling and keep on being you!
    Hugs ;o)

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  14. It's wonderful that you're getting better! It might be a longer journey than expected, but bit by bit everything will brighten up again, and you're on the best way there.
    Hugs and all the best!

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  15. What a wonderful post and it's good for any age. To learn to accept uncertainty, to let go of control, to be yourself and just have a little fun while doing what you love. I think you are headed in the right direction. Love it! And the blog looks great BTW!

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  16. I've never understood WHY so many of us feel that we need to be perfect! It makes no sense (really, it doesn't!), but I still fight that feeling frequently. As you can see from all the comments, you are NOT alone in this! You're not alone in the difficulty of finding a job you actually WANT, either; the corporate cog thing (or in my case, the academic cog thing) is ghastly, but hard to avoid. Good for you for not giving up the fight against it! We've definitely got that in common. :-)

    I think the faerie style suits you very well, and I hope you continue with your changes to get what you NEED. :-)

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  17. Ah, yes. I, too, am a perfectionist. The kind that will never finish anything I start because I don't want to fail at it. it is a vicious and ridiculous cycle when I actually think about it... I wish you the best. I am so happy you have found someone who is breaking through. I have been taking small steps as well. It's tough but we can do it

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  18. I like the plan you've made for yourself, I've done similar in the past, lists are good. Society is a hard task master, the world seems to like conformity, some of us can never conform enough, no matter how hard we try to be perfect, we still can't fit in. I've worn masks nearly all my life trying to fit in with what the society seems to expect me to be, it's taken me nearly 40 years to realise it still doesn't work, under the masks I'm always me and that is ok.

    Being you is ok, but it can take a lot of strength to say that to others. People will either take you are leave you but if they are that shallow they prefer the mask, they aren't worth keeping in your life anyway. Live the life you want, there are already enough cogs in the wheel and sheep flocking in one direction. The world could do with a few more people breaking free and following their own directions. :)

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  19. Oh my, you really speak from my heart! I also try to make everything happen at once, to improve myself, to get rid of bad habbits. And I get easily frustrated if not everything works out! I also remember how draining the constant rejection during job search was. I know it won't help you much, but keep your head up, you will find a job in the end! It might take some time, but you have spent a lot of effort already and it will pay off!

    I should really get less frustrated by myself, in the end I'll have to live my life with me anyway, right?

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